I can’t sleep

So I have decided to endulge in writing a bit more.

One thing I’ve noticed since my sister has had her own child is that her and I have two completely different ways of parenting. This is a funny thing to me since we both grew up in the same house with the same parents. Now, granted our parenting styles are influenced greatly by a great number of differences, the main being that she is raising her son with her responsible and educated (mind you they are both educated) husband whereas I am raising my daughter on my own with the help of my mother, which i am incredibly thankful for otherwise I wouldn’t be able to and I hate to think of what would happen to my child if I was doing this alone. My ex is uneducated and frankly unsuccessful. He’s really good with Skye, but isn’t the best role model. My sister is limiting my nephew’s intake of negativity which is a good thing. I wish I could have done that, but with my ex and his… faults… this wasn’t possible. Not only that, I have a crazy family, whom I love, but there is no way I can shield her from the drinking and cursing as much as my sister and her husband try. Plus, I curse like a sailor, but I’ve been getting so much better at stopping that (see: eHow.com How to Stop Yourself from Cursing by ME )! I’ve only slipped twice in the last week I know our kids will grow up differently, however I do know that my sister and her husband and I all have great heads on our shoulders and want only the best for our kids.

Now there are some things that my sister does with her son that drives me nuts. I laugh and roll my eyes sometimes, partially because I think it’s cute or because I think with all the preparation and theories my sister and brother-in-law have, he’s still going to be a toddler sooner than later and I know what he’ll be like. I’ve been spending more time at my daughter’s preschool recently, because I have all the time in the world and nothing else to do. In doing this, I’ve learned one incredibly important lesson: my child isn’t a brat merely because she’s a brat — she’s just replicating what she sees. My daughter’s preschool is a GREAT preschool. It’s a happy place, the kids are on task and they learn. It’s a fun place. I would have loved to have gone there for preschool (not that mine weren’t good, they were pretty cool from what I remember). However I see a common thing happening. My daughter replicates the other children. I see what her friends at school do and she does it, not necessarily at school, but at home I see it. This summer I must retrain her so that she turns into my perfect little angel again — hahahaha. Okay, so she was never my perfect little angel, but she was still a little better behaved and wasn’t such a “no” monster.

I’m not quite sure where this world will take me or my daughter. I’m hoping that things will not always be this down. There is going to be a point in our lives, I know, that we will not have to be worried about how our bills are going to get paid or we don’t have to cancel summer plans because we have no money. There is going to be a day where we won’t have to rely on my mom and I can pay her back for everything she’s done for me and Skye. I know that by me finishing my education and finding a successful career that Skye will have the same determination to better herself in a world where people rely too much on their ignorance for a handout, and she will work hard to EARN what she has. I just want to know, when is it my turn to be happy? When is it our turn to stop struggling?